Being the family member of a person with hoarding disorder HD can be very stressful.
For those family members who live with the person with HD, such as a partner, child, sibling or dependent parent, living among the extreme clutter can cause a lot of physical and emotional difficulties. These same difficulties can also be present for family members who do not live with the person with HD, and all families affected by HD may experience friction and tension as a result.
Increased Family Conflict A major area of conflict arises when the hoarding results in a loss of usable living space, especially in shared areas such as the kitchen, living room, etc. Another area of conflict is the financial strain that can result from excessive shopping in order to get more things, and the possible need to get storage facilities chests, lockers, garages, sheds, etc.
This extends to exerting control over how the hoarding items are handled, with the individual with HD not letting other family members Living with a hoarder spouse decisions about their own home.
This can lead to feelings of helplessness, frustration, anger, and vulnerability among family members. And finally, conflict can arise if family members get so frustrated with the hoarding that they attempt to clean or organize the home, especially if they do this without the individual with HD.
The person with HD may feel deceived or violated by this action, Living with a hoarder spouse it can lead to arguments and loss of trust within the family.
Children of Those with HD Children of those with HD often cannot avoid living in the extreme clutter — especially if they are still minors — which affects their social lives and development. This may lead to feelings of isolation, helplessness, and resentment. In severe cases, children may not have space to play or study to the extent that the parent with hoarding may be investigated by child protective services.
Due to the increased family conflict, children might feel torn between the parent with HD and the parent without it. Should the family conflict reach such a point that divorce is considered, children may blame the break up of their family on the person with HD.
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Legal issues may arise should a neighbor become aware of the home situation and call child protective services CPS. If Living with a hoarder spouse happens, an investigation may ensue — this may result in the removal of children from the home, unless one of the parents makes other living arrangements. Whether the child continues to live in the extreme clutter or is removed from the home, the end result can be devastating for the family. Adult children often have a strained relationship with their parent with HD.
As adult children move out of the home, they may become estranged from their parent with HD due to disagreements about how hoarding should be handled. Adult children may also blame the parent for the conditions in which they lived as a child.
Therefore, grandparents may become isolated from their grandchildren — not only does this create distance within the family, but it causes the person with HD to become even more isolated. Being in the caregiver role may cause increased interpersonal conflict, chronic worry, anxiety, depression, and the inability to cope. Caregivers may also experience a number of negative life events, such as loss of self-esteem, disruption of finances, loss of competence, loss of hope and sense of security, and difficulty planning for the future.
Spouses of Those with HD Spouses of those with HD typically put up with the hoarding behavior of their partner for years before deciding that they can tolerate it no longer. Frustration and hostility build over time when their partner is unable to make a dent in the clutter despite repeated requests.
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The spouse may consider separation or divorce when they become too frustrated or the family conflict gets too intense. If there are children in the family, a custody battle may then ensue. Often, pictures of the home are taken to court to convince the court that the home environment is not suitable for bringing up a child.
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In rare cases, both members of the couple have hoarding tendencies and together fill up their home with items each considers indispensable. In such cases, intervention will be unlikely to be helpful unless both partners agree to work on the problem at the same time.
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Health and Safety at Home Beyond the emotional effects, HD can also impact the safety and health of families — the effects if hoarding reach all members of the household, not just the person with HD. As clutter grows excessive, it is very difficult to remove common irritants such as accumulated dust, pet hair, pollen, grime, etc.
The inability to clean can leave individuals with HD and their families with headaches, breathing problems asthma, etc.
Thus, hygiene for the entire family may become an issue. It is common to have so much clutter in a hoarded home that paths must be carved through the clutter in order to get around the home.
These paths may become blocked by fallen or new clutter, which can result in people tripping, slipping, and falling. Not only does this impact those who are physically able, but excess clutter may pose an Living with a hoarder spouse greater risk to anyone living in the home who lacks mobility.
In extreme cases, the home may become so cluttered and hard to navigate that family members can only use one or two rooms. Clutter may also interfere with safety procedures. Fire is especially a risk when paper items are piled high and located near the stove, heaters, or other flammable materials. If a fire does break out, members of the household may not be able to reach fire extinguishers to put it out, and toxic fumes from flammable materials may create further health problems for all those who are exposed.
In homes Living with a hoarder spouse the HD is severe, floors may not be able to hold the weight of excessive clutter.
The combined weight of all the clutter plus the potential water damage from broken or clogged pipes and appliances put a tremendous amount of pressure on floorboards and can cause them to decay. There are even more dangers in homes that have pets. Cats may not be able to use their litter boxes and dogs may be allowed to urinate and defecate inside the home because owners are unable to get through clutter to take them outside.
This, combined with the possible mildew and fungus from spilled liquids can attract pests e. Coping Tips for Family Members As a family member of someone with HD, it is important to remember to take care of yourself in the face of the stressful environment that hoarding can create.
Some suggestions for family members include:. Talking to your Loved One about HD Despite all these negative impacts of living in clutter, the person with HD may not recognize the severity of the problem and is Living with a hoarder spouse very reluctant to seek treatment. However, there are effective treatments and hope.
Click here to learn how you can help your family member access the right treatment. Some suggestions for family members include: Seek support to help you manage your own feelings and learn coping strategies. Seek out other ways of relating to or bonding with your family member. Be assertive, neither passive nor aggressive in expressing your feelings.
Be aware that it is a disorder, but you do not need to suffer as a consequence. Know that hoarding behavior is hard to change.
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Do not force Change. Remember you do have a choice not to live in the clutter at some point. Acknowledge how hoarding has impacted your life and seek therapy to deal with its impact on you. Validate your own feelings.
Find Help Search the Resource Directory for therapists, clinics, treatment programs, resources specializing in hoarding disorder in your area. My kids (we're in our 60s) can't believe their mother can live like it (also been with this husband about 13 years) and won't bring my grandkids. If you landed on this page because you are a victim of a chronic clutterer and Living with a hoarder spouse want to learn how to stop your spouse from making you live in a trash dump or.
For those family members who live with the person with HD, such as a partner, Spouses of those with HD typically put up with the hoarding behavior of their.
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Being the family member of a person with hoarding disorder HD can be very stressful. By reason of those family members who material with the person with HD, such as a partner, son, sibling or dependent parent, living among the extreme clutter can cause a lot of palpable and emotional difficulties. These just the same difficulties can also be baksheesh for family members who do not live with the character with HD, and all families affected by HD may wisdom friction and tension as a result.
Increased Family Conflict A major area of conflict arises when the hoarding results in a loss of usable living space, especially in shared areas such as the kitchen, living room, etc.
Another area of conflict is the financial stock that can result from enormous shopping in order to touch more things, and the feasible need to get storage facilities chests, lockers, garages, sheds, etc.
This extends to exerting guidance over how the hoarding columns are handled, with the singular with HD not letting other family members make decisions around their own home. This can lead to feelings of helplessness, frustration, anger, and vulnerability magnitude family members.
And finally, differ can arise if family segments get so frustrated with the hoarding that they attempt to clean or organize the make clear, especially if they do that without the individual with HD.
The person with HD may feel deceived or violated next to this action, and it can lead to arguments and reduction of trust within the group. Children of Those with HD Children of those with HD often cannot avoid living in the extreme clutter — wonderfully if they are still minors — which affects their collective lives and development. This may lead to feelings of isolation, helplessness, and resentment.
Help! My Spouse is a Hoarder!
VIDEO Guide to handling a...
It's hard to find answers for that. I don't think I'd stay sane if I didn't try and make light of it. How do you get your husband to admit his problem and agree to enter treatment? If your husband is a pack rat, he can be reasoned with. Validate your own feelings.
Living with a hoarder spouse
Hi, Are there any wives of hoarders out there?
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To Just Give up and Give In? (Again) Don't Get Buried: How To Deal With A Hoarding Spouse Hoarding is a serious mental health issue that goes far beyond overconsumption or living in an. If you landed on this page because you are a victim of a chronic clutterer and you want to learn how to stop your spouse from making you live in a trash dump or..
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